Family Guy - All Cartoons Are Fucking Dicks lyric
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On Monday I had drinks with Barney Rubble
We hit a couple divy little bars
We noticed there was quite a lovely lady
Sitting at the table next to ours
Now Barney, who was pretty friggin' wasted
Got up and stumbled over with a groan
He said: "Hey, just between us, my neanderthalic penis is as massive as a stegosaurus bone!�
All Cartoons are fuckin' dicks
They get their kicks from being pricks
It's a quirk, we just can't fix
'Cause all cartoons are fuckin' dicks
Meg: �Did Barney really say that?�
Peter: �Oh, yeah! He is a bastard.�
Lois: �Wow!�
Peter: �An-And he really does not give a damn about the feelings of women! Ah, aah.. it's Sad! It's really sad...�
Brian: �Well you think that's bad, listen to this��
One day I met an ape of great charisma
Magilla the Gorilla was his name
He wore a little hat and matching bowtie
A fashion witch has brought him great acclaim
I said: "What do you see as your career-peak? Of all your many flashy escapades.�
He said: "Well this is funky, but you're looking at the monkey who's responsible for bringing you the AIDS. �
All Cartoons are fuckin' dicks
They get their kicks from being pricks
It's a quirk, we just can't fix
'Cause all cartoons are fuckin' dicks
Peter: �So he's the cold prick?�
Stewie: �I say that is just awful!�
Lois: �Okay, okay! Listen to this little gin��
I had a conversation at a party
With famous Rabbit Hunter Elmer Fudd
He told me I just had to see his rifle
And dropped it at the table with a thud
I said to him: �It's quite a lovely firearm.�
He told me his fianc� likes it to
He said: �This maybe corny but it really gets me horny when I press it to her temple while we screw!�
All Cartoons are fuckin' dicks
They get their kicks from being pricks
It's a quirk, we just can't fix
'Cause all cartoons are fuckin' dicks
Peter: �Aw, God! That is one sick bastard!�
Stewie: �Euw, you're not kidding?�
Brian: �Yeah, that� eeh� that stuff's kinda' against the law to, I think.�
Chris: �Well, I got one that's even worse than that��
On Friday-night I went to get some candy
Some soda and some chips and other stuff
Along the way I passed a little alley
And there I saw that K-9 called McGruff
I said to him: �Hey! You're that famous crime dog!�
He said:
�I only work from nine to five! And now it's close �ten-ish� and I
got a job to finish �cause as you can see this hooker's still alive!�
All Cartoons are fuckin' dicks
They get their kicks from being pricks
It's a quirk, we just can't fix
'Cause all cartoons are fuckin' dicks
Meg: �That's awful!�
Stewie: �Uh! Imagine McGruff beating up hookers!�
Peter: �He is a dick� He is a DICK!�
Stewie: �Yes, yes! He's a nasty Cartoon, but I can top that� Listen to this!�
One day as I was strolling through the forest
I happened on some mushroom covered turf
And there from underneath a patro-fungus
Emerged the one and only Papa Smurf
He said: �This is our secret mushroom village!�
I said: �Then I'm the first to see these views?�
He said: �I'm only kidding, �cause we only keep it hidden from the Asians, Adams, Faggots, Blacks and Jews!�
All Cartoons are fuckin' dicks
They get their kicks from being pricks
It's a quirk, we just can't fix
'Cause all cartoons are fuckin' dicks
Lois: �That Papa Smurf sounds like a monster!�
Stewie: �Oh, he's a dirty, nasty racist and a bigot and homophobe, and do you know what I did when I got home?�
Brian: �What?�
Stewie: �I called up Gargamel and I told him where the village is!�
[LAUGHTER]
Peter: �That's sweeeeet��
Meg: �Can I go next?�
Lois: �Of course, sweetie!�
Meg: �One day I met a�-�
Peter: �Holy crap! Look who's here, it's Jason Alexander!�
JA: �Hey, Cartoon-haters!�
Meg: �B-but I was supposed to go next!�
Lois: �Quiet, honey! Mr. Alexander wants to talk!�
JA: �I couldn't help overhearing what you were talking about and I agree. Cartoons are real fucking assholes!�
Brian: �Yeah, that's sorta' what we've been trying to communicate.�
JA: �Well, get a load of this!�
Peter: �(Laughing) He said load!!�
Lois: �(Laughing) I know! I heard!�
I once met Scooby-Doo at a premi�re bash
He looked a little haggard and he stunk
He said: �The trouble started last December. When Daphne made a pass while she was drunk.�
And now he's got a child out of wedlock
It's dealing his career a fatal blow
I asked him: �Where's the baby?�
He said: �Jason, buddy, maybe now you see why fuckin' Scrappy's gotta go!�
All Cartoons are fuckin' dicks
They get their kicks from being pricks
It's a quirk, we just can't fix
'Cause all cartoons are fuckin' dicks
Peter: �Wow, Scrappy is the bastard child of Scooby and Daphne?�
JA: �Shocking isn't it?�
Peter: �Yeah! Hey, you douche bags wanna wrap this up?�
[CHOIR SINGING]
So let us now leave you with one suggestion
A bit of wisdom you can take for free
�Cause the Micky's and the Goofy's and the Daffy's
Are not the gentle souls they seem to be
So anytime Sylvester catches Tweety
Or Tom has got poor Jerry in a fix
(He's in a fix!)
Sit back and just observe it;
�Cause the little shits deserve it
FOR ALL CARTOONS ARE FUCKIN' DICKS!
Stewie:
�So! When do we get to the �off-color' part of the album?�
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